In my experience, and I find this especially true of the media, the words “to forgive” most often mean “to pardon or absolve,” but for centuries it has also meant “to let go of,” which is the sense I prefer.

To let go of one’s anger, one’s need for revenge, is the healthier choice. Letting go of the need to revenge, relieves victims of negative feelings that damage them, cause them to prolong their suffering. Moreover, we cannot forgive in the sense of absolve; our choice is only to let go and demand atonement or seek revenge.

Yesterday there was a state killing (an execution) in Texas; the perpetrator had dragged a man to death. It’s reported he wrote these last words, “Capital Punishment: with capital, no punishment.” That comes from an impenitent man who took no responsibility for his deed. A more effective punishment would require perpetrators to live out their lives alone, with only their own conscience.

In my view, at the moment of death, the light of consciousness goes out. And then? Nothing. No memory. No suffering. No expiation. Only obliteration. Thus, death does not punish; it terminates consciousness. We need to find a better way to demand compensation from murderers.

We ought base that search in the fact that no matter how repellent murderers may be, they are fellow human beings who have ruined their own lives as well as their victims. To do our best we need to empathize with that fact.

By the way, the family of the Texas victim pleaded that the killer’s life be spared, a sign of their emotional and thoughtful maturity.

In any case, to let go of the need for revenge is for our own good.